I don’t think there much need for an introduction, it’s Wrestlemania 28! Here are my thoughts.
Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
Well, what the fuck can I say? According to reports, WWE wanted to break the record for the shortest match at Wrestlemania and guess what? THEY DIDN’T EVEN BREAK IT! The World Heavyweight Championship, the second biggest title in all of wrestling, is treated like absolute trash. No wonder you’re not getting new superstars over if the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE is being devalued to that level. I understand that titles are props to enhance the talent that is wearing it, but they’re also a signifier for the prestige of your company and to disappoint and treat fans both in attendance and at home like shit by having this squash as the opening match? Disgusting. Now let me clarify before I continue, I have no problem with Sheamus being the champion and he’s probably overdue a run at the top, it is the manner with how things went down that pisses me off no end. Having being pushed off last year’s card Daniel Bryan and Sheamus had a lot to prove. However, whichever tool thought it’d be a good idea to book the match like this needs firing. If you listen to the crowd for the next two or three matches, all you’re getting are ‘Daniel Bryan’ and ‘yes’ chants. I really hope that someone in the back, preferably Vince McMahon, heard the chants and figured out that they’d made a fucking horrible mistake. Daniel Bryan is a heel that gets HEAT, he’s not a cool heel that sometimes gets face pops, he get’s BOO’D. Now, when that completely turns around and the live crowd couldn’t give a flying fuck about a Randy Orton match and instead chants for Daniel Bryan, something has gone amiss. I have seen some people try and put a positive spin on the match, claiming that this will advance Bryan’s storyline with AJ. Fuck that. Bryan was rapidly becoming the top heel in the entire WWE, nevermind just Smackdown, and to bury that momentum like this is just a terrible booking decision. Mark Henry and The Big Show couldn’t derail Daniel Bryan. Undertaker, HHH, Cena and The Rock kicked out of multiple finishers later in the night. Yet, Daniel Bryan goes down with one Brogue Kick? Bullshit. Another audible crowd chant, by the way.
0 stars
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
Randy Orton vs Kane
Right, well here we go with the proper opening match. Both men are rather methodical and slow in their wrestling style, which led to a rather lacklustre opening between the two. The crowd were seemingly still pissed with the opening …kick… and responded accordingly. It really took until the middle of the match for any sort of excitement to occur with a couple of nice back and forth moves before Kane hit a chokeslam from the second rope for a clean win. Honestly, it was definitely unexpected. I’d argue the only reason for Kane to win here is if WWE are looking to re-build him into the demonic, monsteriffic, big red machine he once was. If not and we get a re-match at Extreme Rules which Randy Orton wins, it will have been for naught. The fact that this match wasn’t Kane vs Zack Ryder still makes absolutely no sense in the world of kayfabe, is Ryder supposed to let Kane’s attacks on him slide?
**
Winner: Kane
Cody Rhodes vs Big Show for the Intercontinental Championship
Again, another slow and methodical match. Rhodes worked on the knee’s and Big Show delivered the giant chops, everything you’d expect. Towards the end of the match, Show delivered a botched mid-air spear which hit Rhodes square in the balls. That had to hurt. As I predicted, WWE gave The Big Show his Wrestlemania moment and allows Rhodes to move on to bigger and better things. Not really much more to say on this one, it was everything I expected.
**
Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs Beth Phoenix & Eve
We all knew it was going to be bad. It was. Sloppy execution of moves along with screams to make the ears bleed. At one point, Maria did the stink face on Eve and half of her make up ended up on Maria’s pants. It looked like she’d let a deuce drop, furthering the embarrassment of the divas. The one redeeming quality was Kelly Kelly’s flipping Lou Thesz press from the top rope. The pinfall came in the form of a ROLL UP, the divas finisher of doom! Another outstanding contest from all involved and a testament to womens wrestling everywhere.
*
Winners: Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos
Triple H vs The Undertaker /w Shawn Michaels as special referee inside Hell in a Cell
There are two sides to my thoughts of this match, as it really had me split. On the one hand, both men told an excellent story. The emotion levels were running high and the drama unfolded almost without a hitch. Shawn Michaels played his role perfectly, portraying the tension and the conflict in his decision making. The near pinfalls had me on the edge of my seat and when Michaels delivered sweet chin music to Taker, I thought the streak had been vanquished. The brutality of the weapon shots were, perversely, nice to see as it’s not often you seen physicality of that nature in the current era. At the end, when all three men walked out together and embraced on the entrance ramp, it really did feel like the end of an era and could’ve been the end of all three of their careers. However, these were my feelings in the moment. When you take a step back and really think about the match… it’s a different story.
Sure, wrestling is sometimes purely emotion but we’re looking at a match that lasted above the 30-minute mark and no more than 15 minutes of that could have been action. There was just so much stalling. Repeated chair shots, ask him, wait, wait, no, chair shots, ask him, wait, wait, no, chair shots… it was so contrived and seemed to drag on at points. When there was actually action taking place it worked, but people really don’t pay their money to see them talk to each other for ten minutes. Also, there was absolutely no necessity for the Hell In A Cell, sure it was used as a selling point but was only used in the match a couple of times. The match seemed to play out more like a Last Man Standing match and would have actually made more sense when you consider the storyline. Anyway, if it wasn’t for the stalling, the talking and the uselessness of the cell, this match would have been near perfect. I understand the necessity for some of the spots of chatter, but the sluggishness and stalling dragged the match down for me. Still, the raw emotion, story told by all three men and the fact that the match had me engrossed means that we still witnessed a good match.
***1/2
Winner: The Undertaker
Team Teddy vs Team Johnny
For all the build this match received, nothing happened. Booker T took the brunt of the punishment before it broke down into a messy clusterfuck. Highlights? A sweet, tandem triple flip over the top rope spot was timed to perfection and Mark Henry flinging Hornswoggle out of the way like a rag doll. The Miz got the victory over Ryder after the distraction from Eve. No surprise that Lauranitis is now the GM of both Raw and Smackdown, a heel authority figure works better.
Winners: Team Johnny
* 1/2
Following the match, in what should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Eve turned on Zack Ryder by kicking him in the nards. I flat out don’t get it. Surely the WWE doesn’t think it’s fans are that retarded? Is anybody supposed to believe that a man would return to any woman who openly admits that they’re using him and just Etch-a-Sketch his memory clean? I would have thought that the storyline was going to lead to either Ryder finally catching on that Eve was playing him or that Ryder was actually stringing Eve along and she would get her comeuppance and we could all move on. No, that’s not the case. What’s going to happen next? Is she going to tell him on Raw that she was actually trying to fondle his junk and he’ll be like HUR HUR OK, DERRRRP. It’s just another example of terrible booking. Ryder was building so much momentum for himself. His merchandise was some of the top selling and he was getting more and more over each week. Until WWE crushed his momentum with both the Kane storyline and now this storyline by making him look like an absolute doofus, it’s quickly turning people off. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE NEW STARS WWE?
CM Punk vs Chris Jericho for the WWE Championship
The opening minutes of this contest had me worried. I think they focussed a little too much on Jericho trying to get Punk disqualified. It would have been better if they’d have followed the formula of Jericho vs Michaels at Wrestlemania 19. Just out and out action from the get go. The spots with Jericho cowering in the corner could have been placed intermittently throughout the match, not all at once. However, the pace quickly picked up and the psychology between the two was superb. It easily ended up the best match in terms of wrestling quality on the night. The top rope counter Codebreaker was amazing and Punk screaming ‘Tap you son of a bitch!’ was the emotional highlight. Not quite the clinic I was hoping for, but a good effort nonetheless.
****
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: CM Punk
Somebody in the back thought it would be a good idea to have Brodus Clay come out with a bunch of people dressed as old women with inflatable asses and dance. Honestly, whoever in the back thinks this is funny is so out of touch it’s unbelievable. Its things like this that make wrestling fans embarrassed to admit they watch.
John Cena vs The Rock
The atmosphere for the match was everything I had hoped for. My TV speakers were shaking from the thunderous response. Shame about Eminem getting aids and coming out and spewing something about John Cena being an underdog before the match. Are you serious? John Cena is the furthest away from being an underdog possible. Dumb shit got boo’d for that. Good.
As for the match, being The Rock’s first singles match in 8 years it was never going to be a technical classic but the two put on a decent match. Basic back and forth offence was utilised well before they began to bust out signature moves. It could be argued that the match was sloppy in parts and it legitimately looked like they were trying to take each other’s heads off at points.
Plenty of near falls and finishing manoeuvres before the application of back and forth submission holds. Cena’s STF has never been pretty but The Rock’s sharpshooter is horrible. Bret Hart offered to show him how to apply it correctly, Rocky should have took that advice. The ending sequence played out nicely, Cena got cocky and The Rock took advantage of the mistake and got the clean win. I said it in my predictions column but this was absolutely the wrong decision.
***
Winner: The Rock
The full-time workhorse top name in the WWE just lost to a guy who had his second match in seven years. WWE flushed the past eight years down the toilet. Fuck you John Cena, the attitude era was better. The Rock HAD to put over John Cena because Cena is going to be there the next 5-7 years carrying the company, whereas Rocky will swan off back to Hollywood. If you’ll notice, we didn’t have a handshake, we didn’t have a ‘you’re better’ type deal. That sets up the potential for a re-match. The Rock is booked for Raw tonight and something is DEFINITELY going down. Cena’s character could go a variety of ways. He could get depressed, turn manically enraged and start destroying people or just accept it and continue being the happy go lucky Cena we all know. It could of course lead to the long time coming Cena heel turn, but I’m not getting my hopes up. If we are in fact heading for the rumoured trilogy of matches between the two, it's a little nightmarish at this point and the fact that we’ll have to endure another year of playground insults between the two is just too much to fathom.
To sum up, Wrestlemania 28 was incredibly mediocre. For an event that had so much potential it was let down by some piss poor booking decisions and it’s a god damn shame. WWE need a serious reshuffle in the creative department as some of the decisions leading up to and including Wrestlemania 28 have been nothing short of retarded.
If I was to grade it, I'd give it a D+ or a C-.
Thank’s for reading
What were your thoughts on Wrestlemania?
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